Stuff My Evil Twin Wrote

i want my own squidoo lens. it will be evil, of course.

cjsysreform — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:23:12 +0000

A few ideas for evil lens topics:

1. Top 10 tricks to pull on people who are dumb enough to think they can actually make significant money reading email ads or filling out surveys.

(example: enthusiastically build worthless downlines, then sell them on eBay)

2. Sickest jokes ever.

(would include a module for writing your own Aristocrats joke)

3. List of authors with no talent, and a bunch of fake links to their books on Amazon.

All links will redirect to a page with blinking text that says: “you have such bad taste, you probably love the freaking blink tag. if you built a website, it would have a blinking nav bar.”

(Yes, i have actually seen this on a site. and it wasn’t back in the dark ages of the internet… this was like, a month ago.)

4. A page of html/css templates or wordpress themes that look really awesome but then when you download them, the code scrambles itself and all you see is an animated .gif of a giraffe chewing.

dear qassia, you must chill.

cjsysreform — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 03:48:15 +0000

so we discovered this web directory called quassia where you can get your links ranked higher in search engines by contributing articles. over there they refer to pieces of writing as “intel,” because they are geeks who all want to be James Bond.

anyway yesterday the good twin wrote her first intel (yes, on qassia the singular and plural forms of this word are the same. it’s like Kix cereal, only in reverse. one kix is not a “kick,” whereas many intel are not “intels”). she submitted the intel for “screening,” a process in which twelve random internet nerds rate the content of the article from 1 to 5 according to, let’s see… no guidelines at all. higher overall rating = more credit for your link rankings. get it?
no? too bad.

i’m already bored with this but good twin is whining at me to get to the point. fine. the point: our first intel is still waiting for 6 more arbitrary ratings before it can be published. yesterday qassia decided to f**k us over and change its policy: it now only accepts writing that has not been published anywhere else first. the first intel was an excerpt from, guess what, a published web page of ours. our 2nd intel, written for another web page, has NOT been published on said page because the good twin is trying to follow qassia’s rules. but the 2nd intel isn’t even being screened yet, as you can only have one intel at a time in the rating queue. so it will be a long, long time before qassia says it’s ok to put the 2nd intel stuff that WE WROTE on OUR OWN PAGE.

wtf. i’m gonna publish it to the freaking page whenever the f@#$ing hell i want. qassia Bond wannabes: CHILL!… YOU MUST CHILL.

PS: if anyone would like to join this nightmare and screen our goddamn intelz, we’ll do something for you in return. i just don’t know what that is, right now. go to the link above and JOIN.. US…. JOIN…… USSS………

now let’s get down to business…

cjsysreform — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 07:42:05 +0000

i don’t got no time to fool around, what is this… blah blah… can i get a witness? hells yeah.

good twin’s boyfriend is drinking our wine. what the hell! ok but really, i’m going to focus.

um just kidding, i’m not. know why? because this blog isn’t going to be seen by anyone who wants to give us money, and that’s probably not going to change unless i decide to post a bunch of disgusting pictures of us without any clothes on and i’m sorry folks but that is SO not happening.

traffic, shmaffick. “affiliate” is just a nicer word for “mindless link whore.” all of you people are totally on crack.

good twin gets the smackdown

cjsysreform — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 07:34:00 +0000

*SMACKDOWN*

shut up and stay out of my blog, beeee-YOTCH.

Good twin here, just saying hi.

cjsysreform — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 07:16:57 +0000

I know my evil twin is probably way more entertaining and possibly also smarter than I am, but I’m feeling good about my online activities at the moment so she can take all her negativity and shove it up her [CENSORED FOR OBSCENITY & UTTER LACK OF RELEVANCE].

So THERE.

wtf? I would never say anything as insipid as “Hello World.”

cjsysreform — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 11:11:00 +0000

Why must Wordpress shove its words in my blogmouth?

Dear Wordshove, leave me alone.

No love,

the Evil Twin.